Getting back to Myself 

Two days before Christmas I experienced one of the most frightening things ever. I was diagnosed with a blood clot in my jugular vein and several in my lungs. I spent a few days in the hospital and I have been taking injections and bloof thinner since the event.

I am having such a hard time getting back to myself. I feel like this body is not mine. I am only 36 years old and just can’t get it in my head that I am gonna be on these medication for a year. Possibly longer due to test results and there being a possibility of a clotting disorder. It’s the strangest feeling ever. I don’t have any energy and I am not motivated to do much of anything. I plan to return to work in 2 weeks and I am so stressed out about it because I am having these weird feelings of fatigue and no motivation. Just a trip to the store wears me out and I wanna go to bed when I get home and sleep for 2 hours. 

I most definitely have taken my health for granted and I hope to make my body stronger and healthier in time. I just can’t get the motivation and wheel power back. I’m most grateful and blessed to be here and I know that. I definitely don’t want to take life for granted and it’s made me have another point of view about living life to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow will bring. 

I just wanna be me again,